15 Examples of Narcissist Text Messages & How to Respond (2024)

Interactions with a narcissist, whether in personal relationships or professional settings, can be a complex and emotionally challenging endeavor. Recognizing narcissistic traits in text messages is a valuable skill that empowers individuals to respond effectively while preserving their emotional well-being.

In this discussion, we will explore some typical examples of narcissistic text messages and offer guidance on how to respond with empathy and assertiveness.

Understanding these dynamics can help individuals maintain healthier boundaries and communication in relationships tainted by narcissistic behavior.

Are you confused by the text messages you’re getting from your partner? Do they leave you feeling empty and hollow? If you’re constantly walking on eggshells and trying to second guess them, you could be dealing with examples of narcissist text messages.

What are some text habits of a narcissist?

You might not win with narcissists, but you can refuse to be disrespected. You’ll know when that’s the case because examples of narcissist text messages reveal them for who they are. There’s no running away from words once they’re sent.

As psychologist Nina Brown explains in her book Children of the Self-Absorbed, narcissists are “immature, unrealistic, and completely self-serving.” Sadly, narcissism is often passed through families as a defense mechanism against trauma. So, narcissist texting habits revolve around them as the central topic.

Narcissists need your love and attention to make them feel important. Without this, they either get angry or charming to bring you back. So, relationship texts from a narcissist may often flip between being overtly amorous and nonexistent.

As they are incredibly self-absorbed, narcissists have no empathy for your feelings. This makes them seem arrogant and demanding or simply cold and distant. As you can imagine, this comes through examples in narcissist text messages.

The impact on you is both damaging and disheartening. Even worse, they make it sound like it’s your fault, meaning that their narcissist texting style leaves you doubting and even hating yourself.

It’s worth noting that narcissism exists on a scale, and a healthy amount of narcissism gets us out of bed. After all, we need to believe in ourselves to get through, for example, job interviews or a difficult exam.

Nevertheless, while only around 1% of the population suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, around 1 in 25, or 60 million people, experience narcissistic abuse. The article, reviewed by a psychologist, explains that you can heal with the right therapy and self-help.

What is a conversation like with a narcissist?

Any conversation with a narcissist, including text conversations and examples of narcissist text messages, feels one-sided. They’ll constantly interrupt you to talk about themselves or their way of doing things. Essentially, their narcissist texting habits revolve around telling their stories.

On the flip side, you get the covert narcissists who appear silently superior. With these examples of narcissism, text messages will feel as if they come from out of the blue, without context.

In general, a typical conversation with a narcissist might focus on superficial or material things on the one hand. On the other hand, they judge you or try to manipulate you into their way of thinking.

Although, let’s not forget that narcissism hides a tremendous amount of pain and insecurity underneath it all. As quoted in this article on why narcissists hate themselves, psychologist Ramani Durvasula reminds us that inside, narcissism is about self-loathing and not self-love.

Can this help us find empathy when reading examples of narcissist text messages? After all, it’s much easier not to react when we feel compassion for someone else’s pain and suffering.

Understanding the true meaning of narcissist word salad example

Psychologists use the term “word salad” to refer to disorganized speech patterns that occur in people with schizophrenia. The Merriam-Webster article further explains that the term has become mainstream to mean unintelligible language.

Essentially, a “narcissist word salad” is a jumble of sentences, often with a circular argument. Sometimes, this can include narcissist text games, but these tend to be more premeditated.

A “narcissist word salad” portrays the knee-jerk flip-flopping that narcissists experience. They both want to be adored and charming while also in power. So, they use the word salad to manipulate you into doing what they want and adoring them.

Word salad examples based on a mental disorder include “squirrels swimming car lunch.” When the phrase is colloquially used to refer to narcissists, it tends to mean gaslighting, blaming, or going off on a tangent.

In those cases, examples of narcissist text messages either force you to accept their reality or, in other cases, shame you. You’re left confused because the messages are filled with lies and distortions.

15 examples of narcissist text messages

When dealing with narcissists, you won’t just be facing a narcissist word salad example. There are several different tactics they use to exploit others for their benefit.

1. The “me, me, me” message

The narcissist texting style is such that it’s all about them. In this case, examples of narcissist text messages could be “Call me now,” “I’m amazing because I bought the groceries,” and “Why aren’t you calling me – did I do something wrong? Don’t you love me?”.

2. Bombardment

Narcissist texts come in different formats. A typical example is when they need you right now. They’ll then send you a flurry of texts saying precisely the same thing. They might even call you 15 times in a row without appreciating that perhaps you’re busy.

Examples, in this case, could be “Can you call me now please?”, “I need to talk to you,” “What’s wrong with your phone,” “Call me now,” and so on.

3. Love bombing

Other examples of narcissist text messages can be charming if a little over the top. It’s fantastic when someone calls you amazing, beautiful, and that they can’t live without you.

Generally, when someone can’t live without someone else, they have deep self-esteem and self-validation issues. As psychologist Timothy Legg explains in his article on emotional dependency, it’s unhealthy to rely entirely on your partner for all your emotional needs.

4. Drama

Narcissists love drama because it makes them the center of attention. They might call you in the middle of the night for some crisis, for instance. However, the most typical narcissistic response to crises is to play the victim.

In this case, you might expect examples of narcissist text messages such as “I’m in the hospital, but I’m okay now,” “I can’t feel my arm, but I don’t think I should worry, should I?”, “I’ve had some bad news, but there’s nothing you can do about it.”

5. Demands

Remember that narcissists need the world to revolve around them. Sadly, this means that narcissist texts can be both arrogant and demanding.

Examples of narcissist text messages that demand things from you could be, “I need $300 now, but I promise I’ll pay you back”, “Pick me up from the airport tomorrow,” and so on.

As you can guess, you’ll never see the money again, and they will probably not pick you up at the airport in return.

6. The word salad narcissist

As mentioned, a “narcissist word salad” is both confusing and often a distorted view of reality. This is different from how psychologists use the term.

Nevertheless, you can expect examples of narcissist text messages to go along the lines of, “You’re too stifling, but I love you, and you need to make more effort to be there for me to get along better.”

Essentially, the aim is to blame you, and the best way to respond is to stick to the facts or ignore them.

7. Reeling you in

Many examples of narcissist text messages are meant to charm you into their inner circle. They love keeping you on tenterhooks.

You can expect messages like “You’ll never guess what just happened” or “I can’t wait to tell you what I just bought.” In isolation, these might look harmless, but when you add them to all the other examples, they could be to reel you in.

8. Messages to enrage

A narcissist’s text sometimes tries to spark your emotions, whether good or bad. They might send you a controversial statement about politics, for instance.

When you don’t respond to a narcissist’s text that’s designed to start a debate, they might fly into a rage. You’re only adding fuel to the fire if you’re also angry. Instead, it’s best to ignore them or tell them you can talk later.

9. Leave you hanging for days

Emotional abuse from narcissist text messages will play on your mind. With time, you’ll feel like everything is your fault. They make you believe you caused their misery.

In this case, examples of narcissist text messages could swing from hot to cold. One minute, they’re all about love and charm. Next, they go off the grid for days or even weeks. The idea is to get you to come back to them.

10. Passive-aggressive

Let’s not forget the covert narcissist text messages. These are more subtle but equally damaging. They still want attention but get it by acting like wounded animals.

For instance, they might say, “You don’t love me anymore,” or “It hurts when you ignore me.” Although, you’ve done nothing to ignore or hurt them.

11. Putting you down

Texts from a narcissist often shame and belittle you. They might criticize your clothes or even your friends. This can go as far as threatening and insulting you.

In this case, examples of narcissist text messages are about coming to your rescue. Basically, “You don’t know how to manage your life, so you need me.”

12. Gaslighting

The emotional abuse of narcissist text messages, such as gaslighting, can drive you mad. That happened to the wife in the original film Gas Light, released in 1938.

Of course, not everyone will go to those extremes. Nevertheless, typical narcissistic responses when you don’t do what they want often involve gaslighting. That’s when they distort the truth and tell lies so that you look bad.

13. Showing off

Have you received messages that tell you how amazing they are? Perhaps something like, “I showed Tom I was right in that conversation last night.” Alternatively, they boast about their car, house, or other material things.

When you don’t respond to a narcissist’s text showing off, you might first get repetition followed by anger. They need you to adore them, and they need instant gratification.

14. Caps lock overload

There’s no need to use multiple caps lock. No one likes to receive messages such as “CALL ME NOW” or “I’M FED UP.” Again, it’s a cry for attention and the need to be the most important person in the world.

15. Intermittent ghosting

Narcissist text games sometimes include ghosting you. They block you and cut you off from social media for no apparent reason. Then, weeks later, they might reconnect and love-bomb you.

You might then see narcissist text messages such as “I’ve had some time to myself, and I now know I love you and need you. You’re the most amazing and beautiful person in this world.”

And to add to the charm, they’ll send you a link to Bruno Mars’ ‘Grenade’ song. Who doesn’t want to hear that someone wants to die for them? Then again, who’s the narcissist in the Grenade lyrics?

16. Guilt tripping

Narcissists often use guilt to manipulate others. They might send messages like, “You never care about me,” “I always put you first, but you never appreciate it,” or “I’m so hurt that you’re not here for me when I need you.”

These messages aim to make you feel responsible for their emotions, even when it’s unwarranted.

17. Triangulation

Triangulation involves bringing a third party into the conversation to provoke jealousy or competition.

A narcissist might text something like, “John said I’m the most amazing person he’s ever met,” or “Samantha thinks I’m so attractive.” This is an attempt to make you feel insecure and vying for their attention.

5 ways of dealing with narcissist text messages

Dealing with narcissists can be challenging, and their text messages often exhibit manipulative, self-centered, or defensive behavior.

Examples of narcissist text messages are so easy to create. It’s almost as if this era of social media and instant messaging is designed for narcissists. Nevertheless, there are things you can do to stay sane.

1. Set boundaries

Whether you’re dealing with overt or covert narcissist text messages, you must be clear on what’s okay for you. Of course, this assumes you’ve accepted that you’re dealing with a narcissist.

To give you ideas, you can also quickly tell them only to text you outside regular working hours. Again, you can politely tell them that you don’t want calls in the middle of the night.

2. Stay calm and composed

When dealing with a narcissist’s text messages, it’s crucial to maintain your emotional composure. Narcissists often use provocative language or manipulation to elicit an emotional response. Instead of reacting impulsively, take a deep breath and respond with a level-headed tone.

Learning how to respond to a narcissist’s text calmly can truly help you.

For instance, if a narcissist tries to incite anger by making false accusations, respond with something like, “I prefer to discuss this calmly and factually. Let’s address the issue without personal attacks.” This approach prevents them from gaining satisfaction from your emotional reactions and keeps the conversation more productive.

3. Avoid taking their bait

When dealing with a narcissist’s text messages, it’s crucial to avoid falling into their trap of provocation or manipulation. They may use inflammatory language or accusations to incite an emotional reaction.

For instance, if a narcissist says, “You always ruin everything,” rather than engaging in an argument, respond calmly with, “I’m open to discussing this, but let’s keep the conversation respectful and focused on the issue at hand.”

Avoiding the bait prevents you from getting entangled in their emotional games and keeps the discussion on a productive path.

4. Use “I” statements

Using “I” statements means expressing your feelings and needs in a way that takes ownership of your emotions.

For instance, instead of saying, “You always make me feel terrible,” you would say, “I feel hurt when our conversations become confrontational.” This approach avoids blaming the narcissist and makes it clear that you’re sharing your perspective and emotions.

Using language that avoids blame encourages healthier communication and can help prevent the narcissist from feeling attacked, reducing the likelihood of becoming defensive or escalating the situation.

5. Seek support

Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally taxing. It’s crucial to reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for guidance and emotional support. They can provide you with perspective and strategies to cope with narcissistic interactions.

For example, if you receive a hurtful text from a narcissistic family member, you can talk to a trusted friend about how it made you feel, gaining insight and comfort in the process, which can help you better navigate such situations in the future.

Watch this video to learn more about how to communicate with narcissistic people:

Commonly asked questions

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help you understand how to deal with a narcissistic person:

• What if the narcissist doesn’t stop sending me text messages?

If the narcissist continues to send you text messages despite your attempts to disengage, it’s essential to maintain your boundaries firmly.

You can respond with a brief message stating your need for space and requesting that they respect your boundaries. If the messages persist, consider blocking their number or seeking legal advice if the situation escalates.

What if I’m afraid of the narcissist?

If you fear the narcissist due to their manipulative or abusive behavior, prioritize your safety. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a domestic violence hotline for support and guidance.

Create a safety plan, document any concerning interactions, and consider involving law enforcement or legal authorities if necessary to ensure your protection.

• What phrases do narcissists use?

Narcissists often use phrases that manipulate or control others, such as:

1. Gaslighting: Denying or distorting reality to make you doubt your perceptions.
2. Love-bombing: Excessive flattery and affection to gain control.
3. Blame-shifting: Shifting responsibility for their actions onto others.
4. Projecting: Accusing others of traits or behaviors they themselves exhibit.
5. Silent treatment: Ignoring or withdrawing attention as a form of punishment.

• What is an example of a narcissistic conversation?

In a narcissistic conversation, the narcissist might monopolize the discussion, dismiss your feelings, or constantly seek praise.

For instance, if you express a problem you’re facing, they may respond with, “That’s nothing compared to what I’ve been through,” redirecting the conversation to focus on themselves and their experiences, diminishing your concerns.

• Will a narcissist call you every day?

Whether a narcissist calls you every day depends on the individual and their goals. Some narcissists may engage in daily contact as a way to maintain control and seek validation, while others may alternate between excessive attention and withdrawal.

It’s important to establish boundaries and communicate your needs regarding the frequency of communication to maintain a healthier relationship or disengage if necessary for your well-being.

Final thoughts

Receiving narcissistic text messages can be a challenging experience, often leaving individuals feeling hurt, frustrated, or manipulated. It’s crucial to remember that dealing with narcissism requires resilience and self-care. Responding to these messages with assertiveness, empathy for yourself, and the knowledge of healthy boundaries is key.

By recognizing the typical patterns of narcissistic messages and using the strategies mentioned earlier, you can protect your emotional well-being and maintain healthier relationships.

Remember that seeking support from friends, family, or professionals is a valuable resource in dealing with narcissistic behavior. In the end, prioritizing your own mental and emotional health is paramount when facing these complex interpersonal dynamics.