Source: Photo by Fa Barboza on Unsplash
You don’t want someone to lie to you; no one does. Yet, eventually, someone will hurt you with a lie. Whether you see it coming or not, it doesn’t matter. You still feel devastated. Sometimes the hurt is so bad, you wonder if you will be the same again.
Few things are as painful as a broken trust. (See "7 Hurts That Never Heal.")
The Essence of a Lie
There was a time in my life when I thought “feeling heartbroken” was just an expression, even a tad dramatic and over the top. It wasn’t until I was lied to by someone I loved that I understood heartbreak to be a genuine phenomenon. No other expression better captures the essence of hurt.
I had a dull pain in the center of my chest. Sometimes it faded during the day, but at night it returned with a vengeance, a phantom that delighted in my sleeplessness and tortured me with unanswered questions.
Why did this happen?
Was it my fault?
Why didn’t I see it coming?
It’s natural to feel flooded with questions after someone has misled you. Behind every question is a yearning for relief, the hope that understanding will relieve the pain of the lie. Yet even with knowledge, the hurt is likely to endure.
Most Likely to Lie to You
Certain people are more inclined to lie and deceive than others. Of course, this is an oversimplification; people don’t fit into neat categories, but after 25 years of practicing psychotherapy, I’ve noticed 3 personality types that are more likely to lie to you. And, chances are, you won't see it coming.
1. Narcissists
Narcissists are frequently charismatic and engaging. As long as they’re the center of your attention, they shine. Unfortunately, you get caught up in their glow. The moment you start to question or challenge their views, they’ll turn on you. For narcissists, love always has an expiration date.
2. Substance Abusers
Oftentimes, those who are addicted to substances become frequent liars. They may say anything to maintain their addiction and deceive others in their life. Too often, out of love, you may deceive yourself and believe them; even when their lies are blatant, you may remain blind to reality. It may seem to some that no one is greater skilled at lying and manipulation than someone with a substance use disorder who is seeking a fix.
3. Individuals With Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder
In relationships, they can provide you with a roller coaster ride of excitement. For instance, when they love you, they love you unconditionally. But when the tide changes, it may be best to watch out. Their love may evaporate, and you may find yourself alone and abandoned. A failed relationship with someone with these diagnoses may hurt you so badly that you may feel like you lost a piece of yourself.
Of course, it would be difficult to find a person who hasn’t lied to someone. Everyone is capable of it. Yet there is a big difference between small lies (“I’m busy Saturday night”) and lies that wound (“I would never cheat on you"). Are there acceptable lies in a relationship? That's for you to decide.
