Tempted by a cruise around the Mediterranean, or maybe you think your hard-earned money would be better spent on a sturdy new garden fence?
Sounds like you’re firmly in middle age... or beyond.
These are just two of the indicators that your youth is behind you and the autumn of your years is rapidly approaching, according to a poll of 2,000 adults for homeware brand Robert Welch.
Researchers discovered most people now think middle age kicks in around 47.
Check the list and see if you’re ready for the pipe and slippers or are still young at heart...
TOP 50 SIGNS YOU’RE MIDDLE AGED
1. You start to notice the people you work with could potentially be your children.
2. Buying a new carpet becomes more important than spending money on clothes. That old tank-top will come back in fashion one day.
3. You spend hours staring into the mirror checking for grey hairs and wrinkles.
4. You give up and finally visit the opticians after realising you perhaps do need glasses after all.
5. You realise you’re older than most of the authors, actors, presenters and musicians you like.
6. You ask the travel agent about a cruise holiday.
7. You’re happy to spend big money on boring things, like a garden fence, telling yourself it’ll be an investment.
8. Those jeans you’ve had for the last 10 years no longer fit.
9. A shopping spree means going to the garden centre.
10. You take an active interest in the world of politics.
11. You know exactly what you like to listen to on the radio and listen to the same LPs on repeat.
12. You suddenly start booking more holidays, telling yourself life is too short.
13. The majority of your cash goes on soft furnishings.
14. You join a gym after catching sight of your reflection getting out of the bath.
15. You’ve got no time for fools.
16. At work you’re happy for someone else to take charge.
17. You’re always prepared for every eventuality when you leave the house. You just might need that brolly during a heatwave, right?
18. You actually know the names of plants and start growing your own vegetables.
19. You snub own-brands in the supermarket for posh grub. Pot noodles are for students, right?
20. A big night out has to be at the weekend, because you need all week to plan it. And recover.
21. In clothes shops you go for things that look comfortable.
22. You ask for stuff for the home for your birthday/Xmas.
23. You say the speed awareness course is better than three points on your clean licence.
24. You order the same thing from the takeaway.
25. You convince yourself the finer things in life are worth the investment
26. You start planning major renovations to your home.
27. Your fridge is packed with healthy vegetables.
28. You suddenly change your hair colour or get a new style.
29. You know what wine goes with which food.
30. You try to get on with your children’s friends and “be cool” in front of them. Just to be clear, you’re not fooling anyone.
31. It becomes imperative the cushions to match the curtains.
32. You get hangovers again.
33. You buy quality pots and pans.
34. You buy a caravan/sports car/camper.
35. You’d only go to a festival if it’s glamping.
36. You take up cycling and go out clad all in lycra.
37. You start shopping in the local butchers and greengrocers.
38. You ask younger colleagues for fashion advice.
39. You need Botox because it’s not just laughter lines anymore.
40. You decide to train in something new.
41. You know the names of different crockery ranges.
42. Nights out suddenly become dinner parties at home.
43. You revisit your old nightclub haunts only to find out they’ve been turned into flats.
44. You start drinking smoothies and ask if things are gluten free.
45. You post about everything on Facebook . Yes, everything.
46. You ditch the IKEA furniture.
47. You won’t eat with a knife and fork that don’t match.
48. You buy expensive cutlery.
49. You sign up for a half-marathon.
50. You go clubbing before you get “too old”.
It teaches you to cope with life’s peaks & troughs
The surest sign of middle age is taking seriously tables of the top 50 signs that you’re middle-aged.
At what age do you visit the opticians because you might need glasses? By that test, I turned middle-age at 24 when I moved to London and couldn’t read the signs at the front of Tube trains.
But if the test is using Facebook, revisiting nightclubs or taking part in a sporting event, I don’t qualify because I’ve never yet done any of them.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines middle age as 36 and 65. I tell you, it starts earlier – at 30 when you know you’re never going to be the youngest editor, or Prime Minister. You know your limitations, but you try to push them.
It teaches you to cope with the peaks and troughs, surprises and minor tragedies.
Middle age is the best of ages.
