Reddit is home to a wide array of communities, and perhaps the most divisive of them is the subreddit /r/AmItheAsshole. This subreddit hosts some of the most unbelievable tales of people being cruel, sometimes the original poster in question, and other times the person they've been fighting with. The stories they bring to others on the subreddit are truly mindblowing, but few of them are as infuriating as what a Redditor with a throwaway account posted this month.
The post, titled "AITA for leaving my husband at home while I spend the week at my brothers, because of how he 'buys' groceries?" seems to anger every single person who reads it. It recounts a wife's decision to leave her husband for a week after finding out that he got groceries from the local food bank (again). The problem is, he's rich.
The Original Post
(Source: Reddit)
This post starts off strong with the introduction of her husband's favorite pastime: intentionally dressing like a homeless person and then going to the local food banks to take donations to the poor for himself. It's worth noting that OP's husband's salary is more than most people will see in half a decade.
The Original Post, Continued
So, he's aware that he's taking this food before any of the people who need it can actually get to it, and the food banks are running out because of it, meaning needy families had to go hungry so he could raid the food bank instead of going to the grocery store. It's amazing this marriage has lasted 17 years, especially since this is a repeated offense.
Why OP Feels Guilty
It seems her reasons for posting here are simply over her communication skills as a wife and her desire for space from him, though the constant calls from her husband's family are probably the only reason she thinks she might be to blame. But to all the outside observers, it's pretty clear who's the bad one in this situation.
Redditors were predictably not thrilled by what they'd just read. At first, some tried to be more understanding towards the husband, if implying it's a form of kleptomania can be considered "understanding." One commenter here seemed to believe counseling could help the husband deal with unresolved food insecurity issues. But later, it turns out there never were any food insecurity issues in his past.
Another Commenter Wasn't As Patient
This is probably as close to the right answer as we'll get. Her husband seems obsessed with hoarding food, even though he's well aware that it'll go to waste. In his mind, the people who need the food bank don't deserve the food as much as he does, giving him the mentality of a movie villain.
Someone Explained The Legal Repercussions Of What He's Doing
There is a such thing as stealing from a food bank, and that's probably what this guy is doing. The fact that they could press charges feels like it would make a somewhat satisfying conclusion to this story, but unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be where it's headed.
OP Explains It's Not Technically Illegal
Apparently, her husband only goes to food banks that don't have an income cap. Some food banks don't have one, but this is only so that people who make a slightly higher income but are still unable to purchase food due to debts, medical expenses, etc. can get the food they need. Not so a man on a $200k salary can dress up as a homeless man and take all the food before they can get it.
This is pretty good advice. People also seemed to like the implication that one day he'll be in real financial need after his wife divorces him and he loses his job due to criminal charges. Many people in the thread echo this same advice, and say that every food bank in the area should have been warned about him already.
OP Reveals She's Been Secretly Donating
Donating is helpful, but it doesn't change that fewer families were able to receive the food they needed those days when he took all of it first. At least we know she's doing something, though.
Many People Believed This Wasn't Enough
Many people in this thread attacked OP for ever putting up with her husband's food bank raids, and believed she was to blame for not doing something sooner. However, many people also believe she seems like a nice person with good intentions who's been gaslit by her husband for way too long.
Some People Were Very, Very Passionate
The grocery revenge this person offers might not be the most effective solution, but it is admittedly a pretty entertaining suggestion. The thought of his food bank raids costing him more money might finally deter him from doing this. Might.
A Breakdown Of How Entitled OP's Husband Is
OP's husband is sneaking to the food bank earlier in the day because he knows that people who really need the money are hard at work during the day and can't make it to the food bank during business hours. So no, they couldn't have gone earlier, as he suggested.
A Possible Explanation for His Entitlement
So, it gets worse: OP's husband was raised rich, but because his parents had jobs, like most people do, in his mind, he's had a tragic childhood. Also, why is the husband's family, who is also wealthy and always has been, so committed to enabling this behavior, even to the point of calling OP's brother after she left because they think she should respect her husband's food bank raids?
OP Seems Interested In The Advice
It looks like OP is considering following through with the advice she's been given. Hopefully, it's not just a hypothetical, and she actually does.
She Seems To Finally Be Looking At His Behavior Overall
And on one last note, OP might finally be objectively looking at her husband's behavior. Though she hasn't elaborated, the suggestion from many that she make this "break" from him permanent seems like a definite possibility.
