Daughter Is Upset Her Parents Only Listen To Her When They Need Money, So She Doesn’t Give Them Any Despite Them Being Homeless (2024)

Daughter Is Upset Her Parents Only Listen To Her When They Need Money, So She Doesn’t Give Them Any Despite Them Being Homeless (1)

Parenting, Relationships

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It’s a weird feeling to realize that your parents actually don’t know everything and that they can make mistakes with their decisions. When you are little, you rely on your parents to be guided through life and it seems that they have everything together and always know what the next step is.

You may go through your rebellious teenage stage, but when you grow up, you realize that your parents don’t have a clear understanding of how the world works and you may have more experience with it. Reddit user snd19i tried to explain to her parents that they were making poor financial decisions, but they ignored her and now are asking her to give them money, which she thinks she shouldn’t do.

More info: Reddit

Woman is tired of her parents spending money irresponsibly and is not willing to give them her own even though they are homeless

Image credits: James Abbott (not the actual photo)

The Original Poster (OP) is 27 years old and she isn’t living with her parents anymore and wouldn’t want to because they are that terrible with money. When she was little, her dad invested all of the family savings of $100k in penny stocks that he lost during the 2008 economic crisis. The family of three had to move into a bedroom, but that didn’t teach the parents a lesson.

The mom joined an MLM and, of course, she lost money. But that didn’t stop the parents from trying to take an illegal loan from the government just to be scammed by a broker that the daughter warned them about. She actually tried to take away the pen her dad was signing the contract with, but he screamed at her and just ignored all of the evidence she was providing them with.

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The OP’s parents made one bad financial decision after another that led the family to live together in just one bedroom

Image credits: snd19i

Now the parents are living in their car and don’t have money for even the cheapest apartments. They turned for help to their only daughter, who has $100k saved for her future home, and want some of that money.

The daughter has a good feeling that the parents will not know how to handle that money, so she is not lending them any of it. She also doesn’t want to let them move in with her because she lives with a roommate and they have a rule of allowing visitors for up to a week.

Although they are her parents, the OP finds it hard to feel sympathetic towards them because she did warn them about their bad decisions, but they didn’t listen and turned to her only when they needed money.

When the OP grew up, her parents got involved in a scam that left them homeless

Image credits: snd19i

The experience of not having a stable financial situation made the OP very aware of how much she spends and how important it is to save and invest smartly. She didn’t eat out and would wear the same clothes all the time. She doesn’t have a car, uses public transportation and shares an apartment with a roommate. At 27 years old, she has $100,000 in savings, but she had to sacrifice a lot not to end up like her parents.

She warned them and tried to stop them from losing their money, but they completely ignored her

Image credits: snd19i

Growing up poor and seeing your parents lose their home and a lot of money affects a person and how they will not only handle money when they grow up, but how they will behave in general because of their conception of control.

According to research published by the American Psychological Association, people who grew up poor tend to be more impulsive in uncertain situations and have a lower sense of control over their lives and their future.

This is also confirmed by a report by Sheehy-Skeffington and Jessica Rea that showed that “People living in poverty make decisions focused on coping with present stressful circ*mstances, often at the expense of future goals.”

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Now they are asking for money and a place to live, but the daughter thinks it was their fault that they ended up in this situation

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Image credits: snd19i

Image credits: Joe Green (not the actual photo)

Some people who escape poverty might be very careless with their money, like Rick Morton, who reveals in his book 100 Years of Dirt that he doesn’t count money any longer like his mother did because he doesn’t have to now that he receives a good salary; however, it leads to stupid decisions concerning money.

For the OP, growing up poor had an opposite effect. It may have to do with the fact that she ended up in such a situation because of her parents’ irresponsible financial decisions and she realized that spending money leads to not having it at all.

The woman admits that she was traumatized by the childhood she had and doesn’t want to perpetuate her parents’ bad spending habits. Do you think she should lend them some money so they can have a roof over their head instead of living in their car? Do you think they have the right to ask for it? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

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People online agreed that her parents were grown adults who made bad decisions and didn’t listen to her when she tried to stop them, so she doesn’t owe them anything

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Daughter Is Upset Her Parents Only Listen To Her When They Need Money, So She Doesn’t Give Them Any Despite Them Being Homeless (2024)

FAQs

How to deal with parents being unreasonable? ›

Consider trying the following strategies:
  1. Stop trying to please them. ...
  2. Set and enforce boundaries. ...
  3. Don't try to change them. ...
  4. Be mindful of what you share with them. ...
  5. Know your parents' limitations and work around them — but only if you want to. ...
  6. Have an exit strategy. ...
  7. Don't try to reason with them.

Am I obligated to give my parents money? ›

Above all, the decision of whether to give money to your parents should come down to your own financial situation.

How to deal with a parent you don't like? ›

How to Deal With Toxic Parents
  1. Common Toxic Traits.
  2. Get Rid of Guilt.
  3. Don't Try to Change Them.
  4. Boundaries Are Key.
  5. No Need to Explain.
  6. Practice Self-Care.
  7. Set Up a Support System.
  8. Change Your Story.
Apr 14, 2023

What is cold mother syndrome? ›

Cold mother syndrome refers to a parenting style characterized by emotional distance, dismissiveness, and rejection. This type of mothering is often accompanied by a lack of emotional availability and neglect of a child's emotional needs.

How to deal with demanding parents as an adult? ›

How to gain freedom from overbearing parents?
  1. Take ownership of your own life. ...
  2. Set clear boundaries. ...
  3. Establish your own routines. ...
  4. Demonstrate to your parents that you are fine on your own. ...
  5. Clearly communicate your expectations. ...
  6. Limit your availability. ...
  7. Encourage your parents to take on hobbies or find new friends.
Mar 6, 2023

How to say no when family asks for money? ›

DON'T EXPLAIN OR MAKE EXCUSES.

Doing so only opens the door to a discussion and prompts your friend or family member to try to overcome your objections. Say, “I'm sorry, but I can't give you a loan.” When the person asks, “Why not?” just repeat your statement. Eventually, your friend or family member will stop asking.

How do you set boundaries with parents who ask for money? ›

Setting Healthy Financial Boundaries with Family Members
  1. Identify those seeking recurring financial requests.
  2. Be brutally honest about your feelings.
  3. Ask yourself the right question.
  4. Address the family member's situation realistically.
  5. Breaking the Cycle of Financial Dependency Can Lead to Positive Changes.

Is it normal for a parent to ask their child for money? ›

If you need financial help for regular, day-to-day expenses, talk to the children about how much they can spare every month. Request such funds only for essential expenses, not for holidays or discreet purchases, and be mindful that you are not upsetting the budgeting and saving pattern of your children.

Is it bad not to give money to your parents? ›

But you can't help them if you don't have your own budget and manage your own finances. So, the answer to whether you should give your parents money comes full circle. It depends on whether you have a budget and know what you can afford. If you don't budget yourself, then you can't help your parents financially.

What does the Bible say about giving your parents money? ›

And finally, a verse that might make you think the only proper response is to lend money to a family member, in particular, is 1 Timothy 5:8, which reads, “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

What does the Bible say about children providing for their parents? ›

1 Timothy 5 : 8, says: Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than a unbeliever. Exodus 20 : 12, says: Honor your mother and father, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

What is an unhealthy parent adult child relationship? ›

A codependent parent of an adult child will continue to be overinvolved and place themselves in a toxic caretaking role that minimizes and discounts the abilities of the adult child. This is doing a disservice to the adult child, stunting their emotional, mental, and developmental health.

What to do when you feel like a bad parent? ›

Give these tips a try:
  1. Start with accepting your limitations. You cannot do everything and be everything. ...
  2. Set boundaries. ...
  3. Reset your expectations. ...
  4. Let go of some control. ...
  5. If you feel the need to shout – go out! ...
  6. Switch off the parenting advice. ...
  7. Check the basics: Sleep, diet, and exercise. ...
  8. Find some support.
Nov 11, 2021

Are my parents toxic or am I overreacting? ›

Determining if your mom is toxic involves assessing her behavior patterns. If you consistently feel undermined, manipulated, or emotionally drained after interactions, these are signs of toxic behavior. It's not about overreacting; it's about recognizing patterns that consistently harm your well-being.

How do you outsmart a controlling parent? ›

“I think the key to having a controlling parent is to have kindness and boundaries with them. Be both firm and kind, not disrespectful to them in any way, but to set boundaries in your life and choices,” says Cara Gardenswartz, PhD, a psychologist with Group Therapy LA in Beverly Hills, CA.

Is my mom toxic or am I overreacting? ›

Some of the most common signs of a toxic parent include: Controlling: They want to tell you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. Disrespectful: Toxic parents often fail to view you as an individual separate from them and often show little, if any, respect toward you.

How do you tell your parents that they are too controlling? ›

This does not mean you need to be angry or upset. Calmly and respectfully inform your parent(s) that they are crossing the line and ask that it stop. If they are serious about respecting you, they will give you your space. Using humorous language can also be an effective way to deal with controlling people.

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