Developmental milestones: socialisation in babies (2024)

It all begins with you. From birth, your baby will look to you to meet their needs. At first, these will be food and comfort. Gradually, though, as they become more alert, they will want more attention and stimulation.

You are your baby’s first playmate and their favourite person. They will rely on you for their every need in life: love, food, comfort, and learning. They will delight at the sound of your voice, the sight of your face, and the touch of your hand.

The feeling of security that you give your baby will give them the confidence to start developing deeper relationships with others. With your help, they will begin to enjoy their company, too. This is how your baby will develop their social skills (Laranjo et al 2008).

When will my baby develop social skills?

During their first year, their focus will be on discovering what they can do, such as picking up objects, walking, and chatting and playing with you. They'll enjoy seeing other people, but will definitely prefer their parents for company.

Around the time they turn two years old, they will begin to enjoy playing with other children (Sheridan 2014). But as with any other skill, they will need to learn how to socialise by trial and error. At first, they will be unable to share their toys (Sheridan 2014). Later, they’ll learn how to empathise with their playmates. By three years old, they'll be on their way to making real friends (Knafo et al 2009).

How does socialisation develop?

As early as the first month, your baby may begin to experiment with making faces at you. They’ll enjoy watching your face and may mimic some of your gestures (Sheridan 2014). Stick out your tongue and watch as they do the same (The Communication Trust nd).

At this age, when you hold your baby in your arms, you will naturally be holding them about 20cm to 30cm from your face. When your baby is born, this is the distance at which they can best focus. Nature is ensuring that yours is the first face they will recognise (Thompson 2008).

Two months
By two months, your baby will spend their waking hours watching what goes on around them. They may even flash their first gorgeous smile, a momentous and heart-warming moment for you (Sheridan 2014).

Three months
Your baby will become an expert at "smile talk", starting a conversation with you by sending a smile your way and gurgling at the same time (Murray and Andrews 2005). Be sure to respond to them and take turns playing the game.

Your baby will also enjoy playing face-to-face games with you, for example, playing boo, or being tickled under the chin repeatedly (Sheridan 2014).

Four months to five months
Your baby’s becoming more open to new people, and greets them with squeals and glee. Still, no one comes close to mum or dad. Your baby will reserve their most enthusiastic reaction for you. This is a sure sign that you have bonded with each other (Schore 2015).

Six months to 12 months
As your baby becomes more mobile, they may start to take an interest in other babies (Sheridan 2014). They’ll happily play alongside another baby, and once in a while, they’ll smile and coo, and imitate each other’s sounds.

But they’ll mainly be preoccupied with the task in front of them and won’t actually play together yet. You, or perhaps an older brother or sister, will be your baby’s best playmate for some time to come.

At about seven months, you may notice that your baby starts to become wary of unfamiliar people and becomes anxious if they can’t see you (Sheridan 2014). If they get upset when you leave them alone or give them to others to hold, try to stay close by. In time, they will become more independent and willing to explore the world around them with you at hand to reassure them.

Towards the end of their first year, you and your baby will have developed a strong attachment. There may be times when they appear angry or frustrated when you are not at their side. They may turn away, cry or refuse to be held. (Sheridan 2014)

This separation anxiety often peaks some time between 10 months and 18 months, but can appear anywhere between six months and 20 months (Sheridan 2014). Your baby will prefer you to hold them, and may get upset when you’re not around.

13 months to 23 months
Your toddler is interested in the world, but mainly in how everything in it relates to them. As your child learns to talk and communicate with others, they’ll also learn to make friends. They’ll enjoy the company of other children now, both their age and older. They will play alongside children at this age rather than play with them. That comes later (Knafo et al 2009).
At about 18 months, your toddler will show they're aware of another child’s distress if they are crying or upset (Sheridan 2014). They may be uncertain how to respond, though.

Your toddler will be fiercely protective of their toys. Learning to share takes longer, which can be difficult for parents to manage at times (Sheridan 2014).

You may also notice your toddler imitating you and their friends, and spending lots of time watching what they do. They’ll also want to assert their independence. They may refuse to hold your hand when you walk down a street, or throw a tantrum when you say no to something they want to do (Sheridan 2014).

24 months to 36 months
Between the ages of two years old and three years old, your toddler will understand love and trust. They will be able to show affection now by reaching out for kisses or cuddles (Sheridan 2014). However, they aren't yet able to put themselves in other people’s shoes or understand that other people have feelings, too.

But your toddler is becoming better at sharing their toys, and is likely to label all their playmates as friends (Sheridan 2014).

As your child grows, they’ll learn how to share and take turns, and may even have one or two special friends they prefer over others.

Their language will also be developing rapidly now. You may notice them start to copy phrases and words they hear from you, both good and bad! Language development is an essential part of your baby’s socialisation (Rhyner 2009).

How can I encourage my baby’s social skills?

If your baby shows signs of separation anxiety, don’t be upset or embarrassed. It’s a normal part of their development, as well as a sign of how much your baby loves you. Babies normally become nervous around unfamiliar people at around seven months (Sheridan 2014). Being patient and reassuring will help them feel more secure.

If they cry when you put them in an unfamiliar relative’s arms, take it slowly to help them get used to them. First wait until they are comfortable in your arms while the other person is around. Then, have the person talk and play with your baby while you hold them. Then, hand them over to the other person for a short time, and stay close.

Finally, try to leave the room for a few minutes, and see how it goes. If your baby starts crying or becomes distressed, take them back and comfort them, and try again another time. Your baby will gradually learn to regulate their emotions. They’ll come to realise that even though they may feel upset or disappointed, it won’t last forever. They will also learn that there are people (usually you, his parent) who will help them to contain their strong emotions (Douglas, 2010).

Toddlers can benefit from having peers around, so arrange to have friends over to play. Make sure you have plenty of toys for everyone as children this age have difficulty sharing things with others. Be prepared to intervene when disagreements over toys develop. (Sheridan 2014)

You could also join a playgroup, or a music or baby gym class. This will give your baby a chance to be with other children and eventually they'll learn how to make and keep friends.

My baby isn’t interested in other people. Should I be concerned?

• By the time your baby is one year old, they seem uninterested in relating to anyone except you and your partner, even if you try to draw them out.
• They don’t even want to interact with you by the time they're one year old.
• When they've aged between one year old and three years old, they seem overly aggressive and can’t spend time with other children without biting, hitting, or pushing them.
• They become very distressed if routines are changed.
• They are extremely sensitive to certain sounds, textures or lighting.
  (Zwaigenbaum et al 2009)

Stay calm and tell your toddler a simple, but firm, "no" and remove them from the situation. Praise your child when they are playing nicely to help encourage good behaviour. This should sort out the problem.

While all children are unfriendly to others sometimes, especially when they’re fighting over toys, it’s unusual for them to be aggressive all the time. Their mood is more to do with the fact that they are learning to explore and express different behaviour.

If you have any concerns about your baby’s development, watch our video to find out what help is available.

Read more about your baby’s socialisation

• Find out how to help your baby’s separation anxiety.
• Discover more about how your baby explores their surroundings.
• Our expert gives advice on how to stop your toddler kicking or biting.