Florida Women's Law Group
The Narcissist's Word Salad
Author: Florida Women's Law Group
Date: Mar 15 2022
The Narcissist’s Word Salad
Almost everything a narcissist does is about manipulation. They are always manipulating someone whether it’s a spouse, friend, relative or co-worker to feed their ego and replenish their supply. Some people can see right through them but unfortunately, most get caught up in their cycle of abuse. If you have a narcissist in your life, then you know that arguments or even constructive conversations can be brutal and make you feel as if you are going crazy. It’s because they are manipulators and purposely twist any conversation to maintain control over the other person and deprive them of a voice.
The narcissist uses a word salad when they are confronted with something that they do not want to talk about or if they are being called out. You may have questions about their behavior or the relationship or they could pick a fight with you or say something mean. It does not matter how it starts or who started it, they twist your words and confuse you to the point that you are doubting yourself and your beliefs.
How to tell if you have been a victim of word salad:
Talk in Circles
The flashing, neon sign that you are in a word salad conversation is that you feel as if the narcissist is talking in circles and keeps bringing the same thing up over and over again. You make think that a point has been resolved and a few minutes later they are bringing it back up again, making the exact same points. They are trying to keep you engaged and keep it going so you get frustrated, accept blame, and end the conversation. They continually repeat themselves and there will never be a resolution.
Conversation Lacks Sense
As part of their word salad, they will throw random words and comments into the conversation that have nothing to do with what you are talking about and make no sense. This is to throw you off and distract you from the point you are trying to make. This confuses you and gets the conversation off on tangents that deflect from the main point.
Makes Excuses & Accusations
A narcissist is never wrong, and nothing is ever their fault. If you confront them about something they said, or did that was hurtful they will have a handful of excuses to explain it. Usually, their reason is because of something you did, therefore they turn it back onto you and blame you for their bad behavior.
They are also very good at projection and accusations. They will hurl insults at you that are really their own flaws. They will call you selfish, crazy, too sensitive, overly dramatic, a liar or irrational. They are projecting onto you, and you are forced to defend yourself and the spotlight is now on you and off them.
Denial
They never said it, they never did it, they were never there. You could have undeniable proof, pictures, recordings, it does not matter, they will deny anything and everything that may make them look bad. They could tell you something and then minutes later deny ever saying it. They deny to protect themselves from their flaws. This is a form of gaslighting you. By continually denying something it makes you question your reality and then you start believing that you are the problem. Word salad manipulation.
Patronizing and Condescending
As we have said many times before, a narcissist is never wrong. They are superior to everyone and by far the smartest person in the room. At least according to them. It would make sense that any argument you have with them they will talk down to you and treat you like a child. They will continue to talk in circles, blame you, use your words against you, all to try and get you fired up and exasperated. You get confused and flustered and the whole time they remain calm and condescending. When you react to it, they call you unreasonable or out of control.
The narcissist sees themselves as the eternal victim. They will consistently make excuses, blame others for their actions or deny it ever happened. These word salad conversations are designed to punish you for calling them out and will continue until you give up and accept that they were right all along. You will leave the conversation feeling emotionally drained and as if your concerns were never heard, leaving no resolution for you.
The result is you end up not engaging in conversations or bringing up things that bother you because you know it will end in the same way. You know nothing will be accomplished and your feelings will not be validated, and you will leave convinced the problem is you. They have conditioned you to stay silent and not challenge them, therefore they can keep their control over you.
There is a way to successfully get out of a marriage to a narcissist. The most important step is to have a plan. It is not easy to divorce a narcissist but with proper planning it can be done. At Florida Women’s Law Group, we have experience dealing with narcissists and know how to beat them at their own game. We can help you successfully get out of this relationship and start a healthier and happier life.
FAQs
A minority of Florida courts may award attorney's fees if they find there is a relative need – that is, where one party is in an inferior financial position compared to the other spouse. The majority of courts, however, look for the party requesting the fees to have a demonstrable, actual need for the fees.
How much is a divorce attorney in Florida? ›
Filing fees in Florida vary by county, but they typically run about $400. Average total costs for divorce lawyers range from $11,000- to 14,000 but are typically much lower in cases with no contested issues.
How much is a simple divorce in Florida? ›
The cost of a divorce in Florida can range from less than $500.00 to over $100,000.00. If the husband and wife agree on all issues, don't use lawyers and prepare their own paper work, then the divorce will cost $408.00, which is the clerk's filing fee.
Do I have to get a lawyer for divorce Florida? ›
Yes, of course, you can get a divorce in Florida without the help of an attorney. Anyone can represent themselves in court. But should you? Let's say you and your spouse agree on virtually every aspect of how you want your divorce to unfold.
Does my wife get half of everything in a divorce Florida? ›
No, Florida isn't a community property state. The principle of "equitable distribution" controls property division in Florida divorces, which means that judges will divide a couple's property based on what's fair.
Do both parties have to be present for a divorce in Florida? ›
The short answer, for every scenario except standard uncontested dissolution, is no. You will have to be present in court for your divorce. In all Florida divorce cases, at least one of the spouses needs to appear in court, and in the majority of cases, both spouses need to be present.
What is a wife entitled to in a divorce in Florida? ›
Marital assets include things like the marital home, retirement accounts, investments, cars, and personal possessions bought jointly or individually during the marriage. Credit card debt and loans taken out in both spouses' names are also divided. The goal is an equal 50/50 split.
Who pays for a divorce lawyer in Florida? ›
If both people leave the marriage with comparable net assets and income, they will likely be required to pay for their own lawyer. (2) they have the ability to pay their spouse's legal fees out of their net income after the divorce.
What are the requirements for divorce in Florida? ›
The only requirement to dissolve a marriage is for one of the parties to plead and prove that the marriage is “irretrievably broken” or that one party has been adjudicated mentally incapacitated for at last three years prior.
Who should file for divorce first in Florida? ›
It never benefits you to get there first because we are all playing under the same rules. The only reason you might consider it is if there is any emergency or child abuse where you need to get in front of a judge right away. Otherwise both cases proceed along together.
An uncontested divorce can take as few as four to six weeks. Florida requires you to wait at least 20 days from the date you file to get a divorce. It's common for it to take longer than 20 days, though, because you have to wait for the final court hearing, which depends on a busy court schedule.
How long does the average divorce take in Florida? ›
A divorce can take anywhere between 3 and 24 months depending on whether it is contested or uncontested. The average uncontested divorce takes 3 months. The average contested divorce takes 12 months. The amount of time varies according to the judge, the county, and the will of the parties to speed things up or delay.
Who has to leave the house in a divorce in Florida? ›
In a divorce, the spouses must address what happens to the marital home. Florida law does not provide an automatic, hard and fast rule as to who gets to keep the house following a divorce.
What is the 7 year divorce rule in Florida? ›
While not an official law, many Florida courts institute a “7-year” rule when it comes to the length of the marriage. If the marriage has lasted longer than seven years, it's considered a “long marriage”, while a “short marriage” is one that lasts less than seven years.
What is the first step to getting a divorce in Florida? ›
Step 1: One Spouse Files a Petition
The Florida divorce process begins when one spouse files a petition for dissolution of the marriage. The petition falls into one of two categories: a regular or simplified dissolution of marriage.
Does my husband have to pay the bills until we are divorced in Florida? ›
Under Florida family law, both parties to a divorce must meet the financial commitments created during the marriage. In other words, if your spouse has always paid household bills in the course of the marriage, they will most likely be responsible for the bills while the divorce is pending.
Who pays attorney fees in Florida? ›
The general rule in Florida civil litigation is that both sides are expected to pay their own attorney fees regardless of the outcome of the case. In other words there is no automatic “loser pays” rule.
What is the average retainer fee for a divorce lawyer in Florida? ›
The typical total cost of a Florida divorce lawyer is around $11,000 to $14,000, but the expense in instances with no contested issues will be considerably less. The court will require you to pay a retainer fee of between $2,000 and $5,000, and all legal expenses will be subtracted from the amount.
What happens when one spouse doesn t want a divorce in Florida? ›
In Florida, as with many states, if your spouse files for divorce (called a “Petition for Dissolution of Marriage”) but you don't want it, you can't stop the divorce from happening. You can file a counterclaim and request counseling, this is more likely to succeed with there are children involved.
