I'm at a comedy club in New York City, watching 50-year-old Janeane Garofalo do a bit about Millennials versus Gen X: "This generation says yes to life, which I don't do. I don't do [breast] self-checks. I have no desire to keep going. I am The Walking Dead."
The mainly 20-something, Millennial crowd tumbled into uproarious laughter. I giggled but felt a little chink in my Gen-X armor.
As a 48-year-old, card-carrying member of the group called Generation X—typically defined as those born between 1964 and1980— I'm sensitive to stereotypes that we're somehow tired and already "over" as we hit midlife. (Heck, it's not even true for deliciously cranky Janeane; here she is out doing comedy on a MONDAY night to a sold-out house. I hardly call that irrelevant or slacking.)
Another comedian, Amy Schumer, has lampooned the ageism insanity in her short "Last F**kable Day," which enlisted TinaFey, Patricia Arquette, and JuliaLouis-Dreyfus as actresses celebrating their expiration date. For women, the sting of early-onset ageism hits hardest—men don't seem to have a shelf life on relevance.
We are not dead yet. Promise. We may sport an occasional streak of gray, a few wrinkles, a penchant for '80s New Wave (who doesn't) and complain about the occasionalaching knee. But we are hardly past our prime.
In fact, we're running companies (Sheryl Sandberg), writing and directing our own TV shows (Tina Fey or Shonda Rhimes), and even First Ladies in the White House (Michelle Obama). We know that innovation gets better with age.Astudy by the Kauffman Foundation found that people over 55 are almost twice as likely to launch high-growth start-ups asthose aged 20 to 34.
There's much to look forward to.
My own 40- and 50-something friends are a dynamic and diverse group of women. A financial reporter about to embark on her secondmarriage. A single woman running her own start-up business and traveling the world. A mom who took a seven-year break to raise two kids, who is just re-entering the workforce. A mom with one kid raising her alone while taking care of her aging dad. A woman who just came out as a lesbian to her parents. Even at 47, it's harder than you think.
Yet.
Somehow, with all of that, a real portrait of the 40- to50-something woman is missing,or misconstrued,from much of the mainstream media and advertising conversations.
"The mommy blog thing happened for a while, but that's only one piece of a woman's life," says Ann Shoket, former editor-in-chief of Seventeen but a member of Gen X at 43. "My friends are going through serious stuff—marriage, career, a lot of important, heavy-duty issues—and I don't see anybody having solid, substantive conversations around those things."
But is it about becoming the invisible middle-aged woman or being part of a generation that's tiny and tough to market to?
"This is a generation that, for whatever reason, the media has tended not to make a big fuss about," says Paul Taylor, former executive vice president of Pew Research Center and author of The Next America: Boomers, Millennials and the Looming Generational Showdown (Public Affairs). "So I guess I'm part of the problem," he says with alaugh."But part of what is charming about Gen Xers is that they haven't been terribly interested in asserting a generational identity, and the media hasn't been interested in giving them one."
"We're in charge, just not terribly noisy about it."
Alison Novak is an assistant professor of communications at Rowan University who studies generations and politics. She says Gen Xers' "middle status" keeps them out of the national conversation.
"The issues we see play out in the media most pertain to people in retirement age or those entering thejob market," says Novak. "As a result, Gen X tends to be outside the more vocal issues that show up during elections." Even though, for the first time, several members of Gen X are running for president. We're in charge—we'rejust not terribly noisy about it.
A 2014 Pew Research Center report calls Gen X "America's neglected middle child" or the "Sandwich Generation," the bologna between the hearty Boomer and Millennial bread. (Not for nothing, the bologna is the good part.)
According to the Pew report, "This overlooked generation…is smack in the middle innings of life, which tend to be short on drama and scant of theme."
The "short on drama" partmay be due to the relaxed sensibility that comes with age and a desire to figure out what's next. Many of my peers are taking a pause in their 40s to consider their "part two"— after 20+ years of working hard in a career, or having their career paths upended (see ya, print journalism), maybe it's time to launch a new life? Finally start that neighborhood gardening project. Become a podcast expert. Embark on a new relationship after divorce. Travel to Spain. Whatever floats your boat.
For me, that meant getting back to what I love the most:telling stories. In 2013, after two decades in publishing, I decided to start my own website called TueNight.com and share the stories of Gen-X women, those of us in the puberty of old age,every Tuesday Night. While the media focuses a lot of attention on the under-30s, I thought it was time to share the true stories of (somewhat) older women, who are living life to the hilt.
Our power is underestimated and often ignored—but it's potent.
"Gen X is still the most diverse generation, with people who are on both sides of a lot of different issues. They can be a swing vote in the next [presidential] election," says Novak.
Once dubbed slackers, we persevered through a major recession and helped to create and run this digital world. Taylor suggests were ably prepared to figure out our next move.
"From the data I see, 'Xers aren't a 'woe is me' generation; they're not whiners," he says. "When they grew up, the old Ozzie and Harriet dynamic was no longer—there was a lot of family break-up. So they have a certain resilience to family arrangements. Their parents left them to fend for themselves, so they have this attitude of 'Allright, we're on our own, figure it out, just get it done.'"
We'd spend latchkey afternoons getting our morality lessons from after-school specials (Sarah T—Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic!) and devising ourown fun in a pre-Internet, D.I.Y. world. We remember the days of pay phones, snail mail, making mix cassette tapes. But that doesn't mean we haven't embraced technology—our phone is probably on our bedside table, and we're planning reunions on Facebook and sharing recipes on Pinterest. We're more discerning about our social media, the people we follow, and the brands we love, according to a 2014 report by She Knows and Harris Interactive. Back in the day, we didn't trust the big corporate machine or traditional models, and if we were too popular, we felt like we sold out.
Perhaps GenXers themselves are to blame for staying quiet about their impact. Novak points out that Millennials and Boomers aren't just bigger generations, they're also more vocal.
"If we think of some of the campaigns emblematic of Gen X—the war on drugs, coverage of gang members, kids dropping out of school—there was a negative focus on Gen-X youth and that it was a problematic time for children. When you're raised during that kind of atmosphere, you tend to be a little quieter."
In contrast, the first Millennial was born when "Baby on Board"went on the car.
"For Millennials, the focus has always been on the child," says Novak. "GenXers' voice was a bit stifled."
As adults and parents, we're managing trying to repair and heal the wounds created by our broken families through self-help, trial-and-error parenting styles (see:helicopter, attachment, free-range, Tiger, and French), and new ways ofsetting up households and families (see: cohabiting divorced couples,multiple families living in "villages"). We're far from hippies; we're just tired of the drama and we're developing new systems.
Slackers be gone. Let's call us the "Reinvention Generation"—we're constantly figuring it out as we go along. There's no roadmap, so we're charting our own course.
Still, while reinvention is part of our modus operandi, most of the news we hear lately about Gen X is that we're clueless about retirement or in a hateship with Millennials.
But teen magazine head honcho Shoket is the self-described "biggest cheerleader" for young women, seeing thattheir power and potential to change the world defies that perception. "I don't find any of those swipes about Millennials true or interesting at all. They're earnest, focused,and dedicated, and innovative," she says. And she should know.
So don't stereotype us and don't put in a box, and especially, in the words of '80s New Wavers Simple Minds, "Don't youforget about me."
Because our run hasn't ended yet, my friends. In fact, it's just beginning.
Margit Detweiler, from Brooklyn, NY, is the founder and editor-in-chief of TueNight.com.
Margit Detweiler
Margit Detweiler, from Brooklyn, NY, is the founder and editor-in-chief of TueNight.com.
