Address book, cup of tea and stationery at the ready, you start addressing invitations for your husband’s fortieth birthday party. All of a sudden you realize you are in a potential etiquette minefield. Jane and John are married, but she does not want to be addressed as “and Mrs. John Kelly;” Sam and Sue are not married, but live together; and Tanya is separated but not yet divorced. What are the correct forms of address for each of these invitations? Simply refer to our handy list and take the mystery out of addressing your social correspondence correctly.
Mx.
Mx. Is the universal title that can be used by anyone. It is gender non-identifying. Even if you identify specifically with a gender you may still use Mx. and you may see Mx. used when the sender is unaware of your title.
Addressing a Man
Mr. is the title designated for an adult man age 16 or older. Short for Mister or Monsieur in french.
The abbreviated plural for Messieurs is Messrs. While some are under the assumption that Messrs. is used for brothers, it is actually used to indicated multiple gentleman (or also multiple companies ie Messrs. Sotheby) Messers. could also be used to indicate two married men. We suggest that you ask male couples if they prefer to be Mr. and Mr. Smith or the Messrs. Smith.
Addressing a Woman
Maiden name
Ms. Jane Johnson
Miss Jane Johnson*
*Usually ‘Miss’ is for girls under 18
Married, keeping maiden name
Ms. Jane Johnson
Married, uses husband’s name socially
Mrs. John Kelly
Mrs. Jane Kelly*
*Nowadays this is acceptable
Ms. Jane Kelly
Separated, not divorced
Mrs. John Kelly
Mrs. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly
Divorced
Mrs. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Johnson (maiden name)
Widowed
Mrs. John Kelly*
*If you don’t know the widow’s preference, this is the traditional and preferred form
Mrs. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly
Addressing a Couple
Married, she uses her husband’s name socially
Mr. and Mrs. John Kelly
NOTE: Traditionally, a woman’s name preceded a man’s on an envelope address, and his first and surname were not separated (Jane and John Kelly). Nowadays, the order of the names—whether his name or hers comes first—does not matter and either way is acceptable. The exception is when one member of the couple ‘outranks’ the other—the one with the higher rank is always listed first.
Married, she prefers Ms.
Mr. John Kelly and Ms. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly and Mr. John Kelly
*Do not link Ms. to the husband’s name:
Mr. and Ms. John Kelly is incorrect
Married, informal address
Jane and John Kelly
John and Jane Kelly
Married, she uses maiden name
Mr. John Kelly and Ms. Jane Johnson
Ms. Jane Johnson and Mr. John Kelly
If you can’t fit the names on one line:
Mr. John Kelly
and Ms. Jane Johnson
*Note the indent, either name may be used first
Unmarried, living together
Mr. John Kelly & Ms. Jane Johnson
Note: Use one line
A woman who outranks her husband:
elected office, military rank
The Honorable Jane Kelly and Mr. John Kelly
If you can’t fit both names on one line (note indent):
The Honorable Jane Kelly
and Mr. John Kelly
A woman who outranks her husband:
professional or educational degree
Dr. Jane Kelly and Mr. John Kelly
Both are doctors (PhD or medical) and use the same last name
The Doctors Kelly (omit first names)
Drs. Jane and John Kelly / Drs. John and Jane Kelly
Dr. John Kelly and Dr. Jane Kelly / Dr. Jane Kelly and Dr. John Kelly
Both are doctors (PhD or medical), she uses her maiden name
Dr. Jane Johnson and Dr. John Kelly
Dr. John Kelly and Dr. Jane Johnson
Business
Woman
Ms. is the default form of address, unless you know positively that a woman wishes to be addressed as Mrs.
Professional designations—use only for business
Jane Kelly, CPA
Note: Do not use Ms. or Mr. if using a professional designation.
Socially, drop the professional designation and use Mr., Ms., or Mrs.: Ms. Jane Kelly
Esquire:
Attorneys and some court officials
Jane Kelly, Esquire
Note: If using Esquire, do not use Ms. or Mr.
In conversation or socially, ‘Esquire’ is not used; use Mr. or Ms.: Ms. Jane Kelly
Attorney at Law
Ms. Jane Kelly
Attorney at Law
Note: This is an alternative to ‘Esquire’ for attorneys. Use Mr. or Ms. and use two lines with no indent.
