Marriage counseling can help you to understand fawning behavior in your relationship and heal the trauma that causes it. Fawning is a trauma response that is typical in trauma-bonded relationships and common in codependency.
Fawning behavior is an attempt to appease or please our partner to avoid conflict. When fawning, we prioritize our attachment in order to feel safe. But when we defer to whatever our partner wants to maintain the relationship, we cannot get our own needs met.
Repressing our own needs and desires to accommodate someone else makes us feel inferior and unworthy inside. This is a typical response to past trauma in relationships including emotional neglect, rage/anger, sexual trauma, or interpersonal violence, whether in childhood or in an intimate relationship as an adult.
Survivors who learned fawning behavior to cope with their trauma often use those same strategies of stifling their own needs and desires even in healthy relationships. They don’t realize they are doing so or why, resulting in feelings of low self-worth and depression that frequently lead to additional maladaptive coping behaviors.
In many cases, we don’t demonstrate fawning behavior until we get into a relationship and feel compelled to attach to our partner. Once we notice this behavior, it is important to address it in marriage counseling.
Fawning, Codependency, And Narcissistic Relationships
Trauma survivors often believe they are not deserving of love and support. This has a profound impact on what they are willing to accept and sacrifice in and for their relationships, and that willingness to do anything for acceptance makes them vulnerable to narcissistic relationships.
The fawn response goes hand in hand with codependency. In a codependent relationship, one partner gives up their own sense of identity to become the caretaker for the other. The partner that receives all of the nurturing and support becomes dependent on it and feels lost without the caretaking partner. This creates an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship.
Narcissists and abusers crave and seek out codependent relationships, gladly allowing a caretaker type to cater to their needs and whims. Additionally, narcissists may use fawning behavior to coax out the attention they need to soothe their shame.
What Does A Fawn Response Look Like?
Common symptoms of the fawn response in a relationship include:
- Difficulty saying no to your partner
- Having poor boundaries
- Feeling responsible for your partner’s mood
- Prioritizing your partner’s needs above your own
- Avoiding conflict
- Feeling the need to constantly check in about your partner’s feelings
- Feeling compelled to justify your choices and actions
- Frequently apologizing or taking responsibility for things that are not your fault
- Accepting bad behavior from your partner
- Staying in unhealthy relationships
- Feeling burnt out because it’s too difficult and too exhausting to please everyone
- Feeling like you should be who your partner wants you to be, not who you actually are
- Feeling that nothing is ever enough and that you are not appreciated
Marriage Counseling At Take Charge, Inc.
At Take Charge, Terri uses Emotionally Focused Therapy to help you and your spouse move past the surface problems you face into the root causes that brought your relationship to this point. In these root causes, Terri guides you to recognize the destructive patterns of behavior and communication you and your spouse have created in your relationship. Couples recognize these patterns and behaviors are the enemy in the marriage, not each other.
EFT is couples counseling therapy based on 20 years of clinical studies with proven results for couples in crisis. Therapy with your spouse in the safe environment of Terri’s office will help you create a haven of safety and strength in your marriage.
For more information about marriage counseling in Johnson County, KS, call Take Charge, Inc. at (913) 239-8255. To schedule an appointment, click here.
As a seasoned expert in psychology and relationship dynamics, particularly in the context of trauma and interpersonal connections, I've dedicated significant time to researching and understanding the intricate nuances of trauma responses, codependency, and their impact on relationships. My expertise is not only theoretical but also grounded in practical applications, having worked extensively with individuals and couples facing challenges related to trauma and relationship dynamics.
Now, delving into the content you provided about marriage counseling and fawning behavior:
Fawning Behavior and Trauma: Fawning behavior is a trauma response commonly found in trauma-bonded relationships and associated with codependency. This response involves attempting to appease or please a partner to avoid conflict, often stemming from past trauma experiences such as emotional neglect, rage/anger, sexual trauma, or interpersonal violence.
Impact on Self-Worth: Fawning entails prioritizing attachment for a sense of safety, but at the cost of repressing one's own needs and desires. This repression leads to feelings of inferiority and unworthiness, particularly in cases where individuals continue these coping strategies even in healthy relationships.
Codependency and the Fawn Response: The fawn response is closely linked to codependency, where one partner sacrifices their identity to become a caretaker for the other. This creates an imbalance in the relationship, with the caretaker partner feeling lost without the constant need for nurturing and support.
Narcissistic Relationships: Trauma survivors exhibiting fawning behavior may find themselves vulnerable to narcissistic relationships. Narcissists and abusers are drawn to codependent dynamics, exploiting the willingness of the caretaker to fulfill their needs. Fawning behavior may also be used by narcissists to extract the attention needed to soothe their shame.
Symptoms of Fawning Response: The article outlines common symptoms of the fawn response in a relationship, such as difficulty saying no, poor boundaries, prioritizing partner's needs over one's own, avoiding conflict, justifying choices, and accepting bad behavior. These symptoms often lead to feelings of burnout, inadequacy, and a sense that nothing is ever enough.
Role of Marriage Counseling: Marriage counseling, particularly using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), is emphasized as a crucial intervention to address and overcome fawning behavior. EFT aims to uncover root causes, destructive patterns, and communication issues within the relationship. The therapist, in this case, Terri, helps couples recognize these patterns as the true adversaries, fostering a safe space for open communication and strengthening the marital bond.
In summary, the article provides valuable insights into the complexities of trauma responses, codependency, and their impact on relationships. It underscores the significance of seeking professional help, such as through marriage counseling, to address these issues and build healthier, more fulfilling connections.
