In contrast to theArrogant/Overt Narcissist,1the Shy/Covert Narcissist is characterized by vulnerability and sensitivitywhich manifests itself in defensiveness and hostility. Like the Arrogant/OvertNarcissist, the Shy/Covert Narcissist has grandiose fantasies, feels asense of entitlement, and is exploitive. However, the Shy/CovertNarcissistic personality is characterized by worry, ineffective functioning,unfulfilled expectations, and vulnerability to stress.Cooper summarizes the distinguishingfeatures of the Shy/Covert Narcissist as follows:
Covert narcissistic individualsare those whose fantasies, whether conscious or unconscious, are indeedgrandiose, inflated, unrealistic, and self-centered. They may bepreoccupied with fantasies of grandiose achievements, imagining themselvesas world heroes, centers of attention, and acclaimed by all. However,for one of several dynamic reasons, these fantasies are not expressed inovert behavior and are regarded by the individual consciously as beyondattainment. The grandiose desires are not matched by a convictionof personal efficacy. These individuals are conflicted and guiltyover their overweening exhibitionistic, competitive, and aggressive desires,and their defensiveness often leads them to suppress or repress any awarenessof the existence of these qualities. Most often, a barrier is imposedby a severe inner conscience that finds these fantasies unacceptable, demandingboth that they should be suppressed and that the person should feelguilty for harboring unacceptable wishes. In effect, the superegoaccurately detects that within these self-inflating ideas lie self-centered,aggrandizing desires to attribute all goodness and power to oneself andrelegate all weakness and badness to others, an aspect of the angry envythat probably is involved in the genesis of all narcissistic pathology.
. . . the patients, like thepublic at large, may see only the final defensive inhibitory behaviorsand perceive themselves as shy and unassertive, unable to obtain what rightfullythey deserve. Often, the first hint of their underlying grandiositycomes when one realizes that adolescent types of daydreams of being heroicand acclaimed have persisted into adult life with unusual intensity andfrequency. . . . these individuals often think of themselves as perfectionists. . . their fantasy of what they ought to be or produce is so inflatedand grandiose that no actual product ever meets their internal standard.This discrepancy between unconscious fantasy and reality leads to furtherguild and merciless attack from the conscience for not meeting self-setstandards as well as to feelings of worthlessness concurrent with grandiosity.These individuals often come to the attention of psychiatrists becauseof the depression and sense of inner deadness that they experience, asnothing in the world matches the thrill of triumphant achievement thatthey imagine is due them.2
A Covert/Shy Narcissist willhave grandiose fantasies but will also be plagued by a feeling of unworthinessand thus shame for even having fantasized about his or her greatness.This type of narcissist, is likely to be characterized by an incapacityto sustain ambitions or to pursue even attainable goals with full dedication,yielding to others rewards that he or she may legitimately deserve.The final result is often significant masoch*stic self-damage, self-pity,feelings of hurt, and depression.3
See AlsoThe People-Pleasing Response to Trauma8 Ways to Identify Quiet Borderline Personality DisorderFawning As a Trauma Response | All Points NorthThe 5 Fs: fight, flight, freeze, flop and friendWhile feeling they deserveto be recognized for their specialness, unlike the Arrogant/Overt Narcissist,the Covert/Shy Narcissist is plagued by self-doubts and thus does not asreadily seek the affirmation from others he or she believes is due.Moreover, because of this strong sense of worthlessness, this type of narcissistoften will not seek out appropriate friends or romantic partners becausethey fear exposure as frauds; for this reason their associates tend tobe conspicuously inferior to themselves. Cooper observes that thisnarcissist, secretly harbors fantasies that he or she is engaged in aheroic rescue of someone of lesser capabilities.4And, when their friends and associates offer praise, the Shy/Covert Narcissistbelieves that this admiration is phony and insincere. They tend todevote a considerable amount of time ruminating over the unfairness ofhow little their true worth is appreciated and how others get the recognitionfor things that they themselves did.
According to Cooper, thesepeople have pathologically harsh consciences5and indulge in self-talk that denigrates their sense of self-worth.In fact, instead of demanding special attention from others in recognitionof their superiority, the Shy/Covert Narcissist may actually fawn overpeople whose accomplishments they envy while secretly harboring strongfeelings of resentment and contempt.
For all these reasons, thesepeople are frightened to show their accomplishments and often fail toget credit for good work they have actually done. They procrastinateabout accomplishing tasks that are well within their capacities but thatthey fear they cannot accomplish, and their overt demeanor is often excessivelyretiring, modest, and shy.6
For a chart comparing thefeatures of Shy/Covert Narcissism with Arrogant/Overt Narcissism, clickhere
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1Ronningstam,1999; Cooper, 1998, Wink,1991
2Cooper,1998, pp. 67-68
3Cooper,1998, p. 69
4Cooper,1998, p. 69
5Cooper,1998, p. 69
6Cooper,1998, p. 70
As an enthusiast deeply immersed in the field of psychology, particularly personality disorders, my extensive knowledge allows me to shed light on the intricate nuances of narcissistic personality types. The provided article discusses the Shy/Covert Narcissist, and I'll draw upon my expertise to elaborate on the concepts involved.
The Shy/Covert Narcissist is distinct from the more familiar Arrogant/Overt Narcissist. While both types share characteristics such as grandiose fantasies, a sense of entitlement, and exploitative tendencies, the Shy/Covert Narcissist exhibits vulnerability and sensitivity. This vulnerability is manifested in defensiveness, hostility, worry, and ineffective functioning. Cooper's analysis highlights the inner conflict and guilt experienced by these individuals due to their suppressed or repressed awareness of their self-aggrandizing desires.
Cooper identifies key features that distinguish the Shy/Covert Narcissist. These individuals harbor grandiose, unrealistic fantasies but lack the conviction of personal efficacy. Their fantasies, while intense, are often kept hidden due to a severe inner conscience that deems them unacceptable. This inner conflict contributes to feelings of guilt and suppression. Notably, these individuals may present themselves as shy and unassertive, concealing their underlying grandiosity.
A crucial aspect is the persistence of adolescent daydreams into adult life, marked by an intense and frequent fantasy of being heroic and acclaimed. The discrepancy between these fantasies and reality leads to depression and a sense of inner deadness, as their achievements never match the imagined triumphs.
A Shy/Covert Narcissist experiences shame for fantasizing about greatness and often fails to sustain ambitions or pursue attainable goals wholeheartedly. This self-doubt results in self-damage, self-pity, feelings of hurt, and depression. Unlike Arrogant/Overt Narcissists, they don't readily seek affirmation from others and may avoid seeking out friends or partners to evade exposure as frauds.
Interestingly, the Shy/Covert Narcissist may secretly harbor fantasies of rescuing someone of lesser capabilities. They tend to ruminate over the perceived unfairness of the lack of recognition for their true worth, criticizing themselves with pathologically harsh consciences.
Moreover, these individuals may not demand special attention but instead fawn over people whose accomplishments they envy while secretly harboring resentment. Paradoxically, they may fear showing their accomplishments, procrastinate tasks within their capacities, and exhibit a retiring, modest, and shy demeanor.
In summary, the Shy/Covert Narcissist embodies a complex interplay of grandiosity, vulnerability, and suppressed desires, resulting in a unique manifestation of narcissistic traits. Understanding these nuances is crucial for comprehensive insights into personality disorders.
