The fine line that separates compulsive liars from over-exaggerators (2024)

One summer day when I was little, I found out that my mom was taking my sister shopping—without me. Understandably, I was enraged. And so I did the only logical thing: I hid our mother's wallet in the mailbox so that no one (no one!) would be getting new school clothes. Whenever my mom retells the story now, embellishments pop up right and left. (In one version, I also pocket $50 and raid the candy store across the street.) So does that make my mom a compulsive liar—or just a lover of over-exaggeration?

Good Therapy defines compulsive lying as "a condition in which a person tells falsehoods out of habit, sometimes for no reason at all." The term is interchangeable with pathological lying, mythomania, and habitual lying. But it's different than mere embellishment, according to ThriveTalk. Just because you, or someone in your life, likes to alter the banal details of a memory to make it a little more juicy doesn't necessarily make them lies.

According to the official dictionary definition of "embellish," the term means "to heighten the attractiveness of by adding decorative or fanciful details." The major difference between ornamenting a story and telling a straight-up lie is that embellishments find their grounding in real events (like, say, a wallet being stashed in a mailbox). Lying, on the other hand, is defined as "[making]an untrue statement with intent to deceive." Not with the intent to make a story more interesting.

Thus, if you're paranoid that your desire to fudge the details here and there is pointing toward pathological tendencies, take a deep breath. So long as you're not crafting anecdotes from scratch, you're just a human being who likes to add a little fluff to the unofficial memoir of your life. And hey—there's nothing wrong with that (says the girl who hides wallets in mailboxes).

Here's how to stop a liar mid-sentence. Plus, why we all tell white lies to keep the conversation flowing.

The fine line that separates compulsive liars from over-exaggerators (2024)

FAQs

What is the difference between lying and exaggeration? ›

After all, when you exaggerate, you're not really lying — you're just overstating things. The word exaggerate can also suggest that a particular characteristic is overdone or almost larger than life. If you describe someone as having an exaggerated limp, he or she might be walking like a gorilla.

What is the difference between a compulsive liar and a habitual liar? ›

Even after their falsehoods have been exposed, people who lie compulsively may have difficulty admitting the truth. Meanwhile, pathological lying often involves a clear motive. A person may lie to gain attention or admiration. Other lies may be designed to garner pity or help from others.

What is a compulsive liar called? ›

Pathological lying, also known as mythomania and pseudologia fantastica, is the chronic behavior of compulsive or habitual lying. Unlike telling the occasional white lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings or getting in trouble, a pathological liar seems to lie for no apparent reason.

What is the difference between embellishment and lie? ›

According to the official dictionary definition of "embellish," the term means "to heighten the attractiveness of by adding decorative or fanciful details." The major difference between ornamenting a story and telling a straight-up lie is that embellishments find their grounding in real events (like, say, a wallet ...

How do you respond to someone who exaggerates? ›

Challenge the reasons behind the exaggerations.

They may exaggerate because they are looking for attention, they want to appear interesting, or they need others like them. Challenge the reasons behind the exaggeration by showing you already find them interesting and you already like them without their inflated stories.

Why do people exaggerate and tell lies? ›

So, exaggerations may be one form of lying that promotes a social connection with other people. This effect could be due to a number of cognitive or social factors. Exaggerations may allow listeners to become more absorbed in the story or to process the gist of the information more effectively.

How do you punish a compulsive liar? ›

Follow these rules:
  1. Establish consequences for telling lies. Discuss these with your teen early on.
  2. Confront lying when it happens, but do so in a calm, respectful manner. ...
  3. Be consistent and fair in enforcing consequences. ...
  4. Demand accountability. ...
  5. Reward honesty. ...
  6. Be honest yourself.
7 Feb 2021

Do compulsive liars believe their own lies? ›

It has been observed that pathological liars believe their lies to the extent that the belief may be delusional.

What words do liars use? ›

These 10 common types of phrases are warning signs that someone is lying to you.
...
4. Overemphasizing their trustworthiness: "To be honest."
  • "To be honest"
  • "To tell you the truth"
  • "Believe me"
  • "Let me be clear"
  • "The fact is"
10 Oct 2018

What are the three types of liars? ›

Some liars will usually lie more often than others. Some lie with remorse, while others have no feelings of guilt when lying. In this article, we put liars into three different categories natural liars, pathological liars, and psychopaths, and try to figure out the difference between each type of liar.

What is the root of compulsive lying? ›

Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary and routine. A lot of them find it easy to avoid confrontations with truth, hence they stick to lying. Compulsive liars may or may not experience a mental disorder.

What are the signs of a compulsive liar? ›

15 signs of a pathological liar
  • lie indiscriminately about a wide range of topics.
  • tell untruths about minor events.
  • feel undeterred by the fear of getting caught.
  • experience a rush when you get away with lying.
  • continue to lie even when confronted with the truth.

What is an example of embellish? ›

to make something more beautiful by adding something to it: The ceiling was embellished with flowers and leaves. to add or change some details of a story, usually to make it more interesting or exciting: He couldn't resist embellishing the story of his accident a little.

What is another word for embellishment? ›

synonyms for embellishment
  • adornment.
  • coloring.
  • embroidery.
  • exaggeration.
  • ornamentation.
  • decoration.
  • doodad.
  • elaboration.

What is a red lie? ›

There is the red lie, which is a lie one tells to hurt another person or get even. The entire soap opera genre is based on the red lie. There is the black lie, which is frequently employed to obtain something one might desire or to get ahead.

Is exaggeration manipulation? ›

Exaggeration is a common trick used by manipulators, Ni explained in a post in Psychology Today. If you aren't comfortable with a direct approach, you can counteract this attempt at manipulation by focusing on the facts, as well as asking for more information and sources, he wrote.

What is emotional exaggeration? ›

Emotional outbursts, also known as emotional lability, refer to rapid changes in emotional expression where strong or exaggerated feelings and emotions occur. This neurological condition often affects people who already have a pre-existing condition or have suffered brain injuries in the past.

What's the word when someone exaggerates? ›

caricature. overdraw. hedge. fudge. enlarge (on or upon)

What happens to the brain when someone lies? ›

Lying Changes the Brain

Nature Neuroscience reported a study of the amygdala, the part of the brain dealing with emotional responses. The researchers said the amygdala shows up less and less, as we lie more and more. Essentially, our guilt feelings tend to weaken and shrink.

Why do people lie to get what they want? ›

Often, people tell lies because they are trying to control a situation and exert influence toward getting the decisions or reactions they want. The truth can be “inconvenient” because it might not conform to their narrative.

How do you set boundaries with a liar? ›

You can state your boundaries in this way: “I will not take any lying or dishonesty, whether verbal or nonverbal. A lie is a lie whether it is hidden or not. If information is left out intentionally, this will be considered a lie. Lying is painful to me and I will not allow it to be a part of our relationship anymore.”

Why do liars get angry? ›

"When a liar becomes hostile or defensive, he is attempting to turn the tables on you," says Glass. The liar will get hostile because he is angry that you've discovered his lies, which may result in a lot of pointing.

What traits do liars have in common? ›

10 things all liars have in common
  • Liars are insecure. Spreading lies and rumors might be a way for them to connect with others and feel better about themselves. ...
  • Liars are controlling. ...
  • Liars hide their feelings. ...
  • Liars are good listeners. ...
  • Liars are charismatic. ...
  • Liars think fast. ...
  • Liars blame others. ...
  • Liars have a good memory.
29 Mar 2017

Can a compulsive liar change? ›

Understanding what causes the lying is the only way to change a pathological liar's behavior. Treatment, which can include psychotherapy, medication, or both, will depend on whether or not the pathological lying is a symptom of an underlying psychiatric condition.

How do you spot a liar verbally? ›

Liars sometimes give away that they are lying by the following verbal signs.
  1. Speaking with insecurity.
  2. Expressing vocal tension.
  3. Saying incoherent statements.
  4. Having a high pitch.
  5. Saying negative complaints.
  6. Too vocally expressive.
  7. Hesitating (e.g., “um,” “er,” “uh,” and “hmm')
  8. Speech errors.
19 Jul 2021

Do liars say to be honest? ›

Phrases like 'honestly,' or 'I want to be honest with you' or 'here's the truth' can all be signs that the liar is trying too hard to convince the other person that they are telling the truth. Even using buffer words such as 'like' and 'um' can indicate lying.

What are the 5 signs that someone is lying? ›

With that in mind, here are some signs that someone might be lying to you:
  • People who are lying tend to change their head position quickly. ...
  • Their breathing may also change. ...
  • They tend to stand very still. ...
  • They may repeat words or phrases. ...
  • They may provide too much information. ...
  • They may touch or cover their mouth.
17 Nov 2018

How do you catch someone in a lie? ›

Here are 5 foolproof ways to do so effectively:
  1. Take note of any inconsistencies. If you suspect someone of lying, pay attention to any inconsistencies in their story. ...
  2. Throw them off by asking the unexpected. ...
  3. Pay close attention to their behavior. ...
  4. Look for microexpressions. ...
  5. Be suspicious of extra details.
19 Feb 2019

What are 3 signs that someone is lying? ›

Signs of Lying

Being vague; offering few details. Repeating questions before answering them. Speaking in sentence fragments.

What mental illness is linked to compulsive lying? ›

The ICD-10 disorder Haltlose personality disorder is strongly tied to pathological lying. It has been shown through lie detector tests that PF (pseudologia fantastica) patients exhibit arousal, stress, and guilt from their deception. This is different from psychopaths, who experience none of those reactions.

What is the most common cause of lying? ›

The main reason people lie is low self-esteem. They want to impress, please, and tell someone what they think they want to hear.

Are narcissists compulsive liars? ›

In fact, compulsive lying is associated with narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders – likely connected to the lack of empathy and propensity for exploitative behavior inherent in these disorders (Ford, King & Hollender, 1988; Baskin-Sommers, Krusemark, & Ronningstam, 2014).

What is to make something look attractive? ›

enhance. verb. to improve something, or to make it more attractive or more valuable.

What is an example of fervent? ›

It's my fervent wish that it will be closed at some point. It is a fervent desire, but not a destiny. As a supervisor, he inspired his pupils with a fervent desire to learn. Her fervent hope though is that any such negotiations would be with a different Greek government.

Is embellish positive or negative? ›

Embellish often has the positive meaning of adding something to make it more handsome or beautifully decorated.

What is the word when you don't like someone? ›

dislike. noun. a feeling of not liking someone or something.

What is an experienced person called? ›

1 skilled, expert, practiced, veteran, accomplished, versed, adept, qualified.

What embellish means? ›

transitive verb. : to make beautiful with ornamentation : decorate. a book embellished with illustrations. : to heighten the attractiveness of by adding decorative or fanciful details : enhance.

What is a golden lie? ›

An explanation of the golden lie as a truth in progress. A reassurance that no 'icky' feeling will come from the golden lie. Words on how golden lies are affecting the world today. An explanation of how what we say to ourselves shapes our level of success. An iteration of how each person is inherently creative.

What color represents a liar? ›

Yellow signifies joy, happiness, betrayal, optimism, idealism, imagination, hope, sunshine, summer, gold, philosophy, dishonesty, cowardice, jealousy, covetousness, deceit, illness, hazard and friendship.

What is a yellow lie? ›

“A yellow lie is a lie about a big thing. But it's a lie that is important. It's a lie that is necessary to potentially save somebody's life. Y ellow lies can only be done if you really know the person who you're lying to.

What are 5 examples of exaggeration? ›

Hyperbole
  • They ran like greased lightning.
  • He's got tons of money.
  • Her brain is the size of a pea.
  • He is older than the hills.
  • I will die if she asks me to dance.
  • She is as big as an elephant!
  • I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.
  • I have told you a million times not to lie!

What is an example of an exaggeration? ›

Exaggeration is common in everyday language, and phrases such as the following are extremely well known: I am so hungry I could eat a horse. This ice cream is out of this world. I'm in so much trouble, my Dad is going to kill me.

What are the 3 types of lying? ›

Interview and Interrogation Training: The Five Types of Lies
  • Lies of Denial. This type of lie will involve an untruthful person (or a truthful person) simply saying that they were not involved.
  • Lies of Omission. ...
  • Lies of Fabrication. ...
  • Lies of Minimization. ...
  • Lies of Exaggeration.
18 Feb 2022

What is the exact meaning of exaggeration? ›

to make something seem larger, more important, better, or worse than it really is: The threat of attack has been greatly exaggerated.

What is exaggerated behavior? ›

the act of embellishing or overstating a quality or characteristic of a person, thing, or situation.

What is a good sentence for exaggeration? ›

The book exaggerates the difficulties he faced in starting his career. It's impossible to exaggerate the importance of this discovery. He tends to exaggerate when talking about his accomplishments. He exaggerated his movements so we could see them more clearly.

How do you expose a liar? ›

Here are 5 foolproof ways to do so effectively:
  1. Take note of any inconsistencies. If you suspect someone of lying, pay attention to any inconsistencies in their story. ...
  2. Throw them off by asking the unexpected. ...
  3. Pay close attention to their behavior. ...
  4. Look for microexpressions. ...
  5. Be suspicious of extra details.
19 Feb 2019

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