What Stories Are You Telling Yourself? (2024)

HBR Staff/Getty Images/Daria Sokolova/Softulka

Summary.

In this interview, Kindra Hall, author of Choose Your Story, Change Your Life, explains “self-stories” — the automatic thoughts that influence how you perceive the world. She shares tips on how we can stop focusing on the negative stories, reframe our thinking, and actively identify and choose the stories that will help us move forward.

Catch your stories in the act. When you hear yourself say things, “I can’t do that,” “I’m too young,” or “I don’t have enough experience,” it’s a sign that there may be a harmful story buried at the root of that belief.
Analyze your stories. Where are your stories coming from? Are they even true? Identify where the stories you tell yourself originate. You can’t move forward and choose a different story without first taking this step.
Choose a better story. For every story that you have about why you can’t do something, there’s another story you can tell yourself about why you can. Find that story and hold on to it.
Install new stories.Start telling yourself these stories at key and critical moments until they become your automatic thoughts.

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When I was in high school, my English teacher told me that I’d never make it as a writer. The stink of red ink sat heavy in the air as he walked me through his edits on yet another one of my “C-” (or “below average”) papers. He turned the page to reveal more of my carefully chosen words scratched out and discarded. That’s when he dropped the bomb: “I just don’t think you have what it takes.”