There's nothing like pregnancy to bring you and your partner closer together – until it's time to pick a baby name, and you learn that your partner hates the one at the top of your list.
Half of parents polled by BabyCenter said they disagreed with their significant other about what to name their baby. The good news is that most parents eventually decided on a baby name they both liked. Below are a few tips to help you and your partner find that common ground.
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Who gets final say on your baby's name?
If you and your partner can't agree on a name, who has the final say?
We have equal say and will find a way to agree
Work through disagreements
- Listen carefully. When people argue, they tend to concentrate on what they're saying to try to convince the other person. Listen to your partner instead. When people feel heard, tensions ease and compromises become more acceptable. Reflect your partner's words back to him or her. "When it's your turn to listen, avoid jumping in to offer a counterpoint," advises clinical social worker Lizzette Potthoff. "Instead, acknowledge what your partner is saying, even if you disagree. For example, 'I understand that it's really important to you that we choose a non-trendy name, and I want you to know that I hear that.'"
- Keep things in perspective. Baby name likes and dislikes are very personal, so emotions can run high. It can be hard not to get upset if you've had a particular name in mind since sixth grade and your partner immediately dismisses it."For a lot of people, the name is tied up in their own identity," says Potthoff. "When their partner rejects it, it feels like a personal rejection. Consciously remind yourself that your partner's feelings about the name have more to do with their attachment to their own ideas and identity than with any rejection of you."
- Remember that you're on the same team. "Approach the situation as partners trying to solve a problem, rather than adversaries blaming each other," suggests Potthoff. When you both embrace this mindset, it's much easier to work together. "In the end we bought a baby name book, read it cover to cover, and made a list of the names we liked," says one BabyCenter mom. "Then we swapped lists, crossed off any names that we hated, and ranked our five favorites. It sounds like a drawn-out process, but it worked."
- Give it more time. If you're getting nowhere, resist the urge to force a decision. This can be especially hard if you're the one who's pregnant – that due date may loom much larger for you than for your partner. It can make more sense to wait until the idea of having a baby feels more "real" to your mate. This may be when your belly's bigger, after you have an ultrasound, or even after you meet your little one for the first time.
Search more than 100,000 baby names by meaning, sound, and popularity.
When you still can't agree on a baby name
Sometimes parents just can't find a name they both like. If this happens to you, it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed and your baby will be nameless. Consider these alternatives:
- Take turns picking a baby name. If you plan to have more than one child, your partner can name this child, with the understanding that you will choose the name for the next child you have.
- Each choose a name. You can pick your baby's first name while your partner chooses the middle name. And if the first name is a family tradition or in honor of a relative, some couples call their child by the middle name
- Let fate decide. Flip a coin or put your top choices in a hat and have someone draw the name. This could be the perfect job for a sibling-to-be!
- Have someone else choose. Ask a trusted friend or relative to make the final decision. Or create a baby name poll and let BabyCenter parents vote on your options. Some even hire a professional baby name consultant to come up with a list of possible names based on guidelines from you and your partner.
One final note: Even if you end up having to compromise, you may grow to love the name as you associate it with your child. Ninety-one percent of parents surveyed said they'd choose the same baby name if they had to do it all over again.
Who chose your baby's name?
Parents share their uncensored opinions on who really gets the final word.
Where to go next:
- Baby name inspiration lists
- Awesome alternatives to popular names
- 8 pitfalls to watch for when naming your baby
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FAQs
Have someone else choose. Ask a trusted friend or relative to make the final decision. Or create a baby name poll and let BabyCenter parents vote on your options. Some even hire a professional baby name consultant to come up with a list of possible names based on guidelines from you and your partner.
What happens if two parents can't agree on a name? ›
The court gets to decide the child's names and decides the issue in the best interest of the child. Unless the parents choose names that are obviously not in the child's best interest, the court likely would accept whatever names the parents agree with each other to use for the child.
Do parents have to agree on a baby name? ›
Court orders for naming a child
If an agreement cannot be reached between the parents through mediation, they can seek an order from the Family Court. The Court will then be able to determine the issue and set out a legally binding solution.
Can a baby name be rejected? ›
A state official could reject a profane name or a name that can be proven to subject a child to undue embarrassment or harassment. A state could also reject a name because it would be confusing to the public. And some states require that every person have two names.
Who has the right to name a child, father or mother? ›
The mother also has the right to name a child. But she needs the father's consent, especially in cases where he has established legal paternity and custodial rights. If paternity hasn't been established, the mother typically has the right to decide about the child, including choosing their name.
What happens if mother and father disagree on baby names? ›
Further, the statute provides that if the parents disagree on the selection of a given name, the given name may not be entered on the certificate until a joint agreement that lists the agreed-upon given name and is notarized by both parents is submitted, or “*ntil a given name is selected by a court.”
Who names a child if parents disagree? ›
The judge usually requires a hearing before approving a child's name change without both parents' consent. The hearing is called a "prove up" or an "uncontested" hearing. This is a short hearing where the judge can ask you some questions before deciding whether to approve the child's name change.
Whose right is it to name a child? ›
'” These texts suggest that the father has the right to name the child because the child ascribes to his father's lineage. Ibn al-Qayyim (رحمه الله) stated: The father has the right to name the child because the child ascribes to his father, so the child is called Fulān son of Fulān.
How do you change a child's last name if the father is not around? ›
Someone must file a legal name change request in court for a child's name, or for anyone's name for that matter. The law does not recognize or accept any unofficial name changes. To start the process, someone must submit a petition for a name change in the county where the child resides.
Do children have the right to a name? ›
From birth, each individual has the right to have a name and a surname.
Though the thought may not have crossed your mind, if you live in some states you're banned from calling your kid symbols or numbers. In the '70's, the North Dakota Supreme Court ruled that a schoolteacher couldn't change his name to 1069 because, you guessed it, names can't be numbers.
Why can't you name your child Tom in Portugal? ›
Portugal is another country that has very strict rules about what names it will allow, with one regulation stating you can't give your child a nickname as its official name. Therefore, if you want to call your child Tom, you would have to name him Tomas.
Are any baby names banned in the US? ›
Most states prohibit using baby names with numerals, emojis, or symbols in them (so you can't name your baby #1, for instance), obscenities, and some states have (admittedly very generous) character limits for the first, middle, and last names.
What does the Bible say about naming a child? ›
We see here that the Church considers the newly-born infant an already complete man; it faces the infant with the same providence that faces every man. The man's name gives the identity of the person and secures their uniqueness. The Church, therefore, takes care to give the infant a name.
What are the rules for naming a child? ›
Most states prohibit names that are too long, include unpronounceable symbols such as !, @ or # (apart from hyphens between names), that include official titles or are otherwise obscene or offensive.
Whose last name does the baby get if married? ›
It's true that patrilineal baby-naming dominates in America. Researchers have found that heterosexual married couples give the baby the father's name more than 95% of the time.
What happens if parents can't agree? ›
If you and the other parent can't agree on a parenting plan, then you will have to ask a judge to decide. To decide what is best for a child, the judge considers: The age and health of the child. The emotional ties between the parents and the child.
Can you have both if your parents last name if they aren t married? ›
Choose a Last Name of Your Liking
The child doesn't have to take either of the parents' names but can take one or the other. Or, you can hyphenate the two names. Some parents even give one parent's last name as the child's middle name and the other parent's last name as the child's last name.
Can I change my child's last name without father's consent in PA? ›
A parent must petition the Court of Common Pleas in their county of residence, if the other parent does not consent to the name change. The procedures and forms for filing a name change petition for a child are the same as for an adult.
