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Dr. Debra Kissen, PhD, MHSA · May 16, 2019
Ask Lighthouse
If you find yourself frequently telling lies, you may be wondering if this is something to be worried about.
Common Reasons People May Lie
When we lie, we are telling an intentionally false statement. There are many reasons why people lie. In some cases, people may not even realize they are lying. Whether you lie a bit or at a rate that feels concerning, it may be a good idea to analyze why you are lying. Understanding why we lie is important to know if there is reason for concern.
Reasons for lying can include:
- Controlling someone else to get something such as money or favors
- Covering up their bad behavior
- Avoiding embarrassment
- Self-preservation
- Trying to avoid hurting another person’s feelings
- Seeking attention or approval
Average Lying vs. Compulsive Lying
When an average person lies they usually have a specific reason for lying. Compulsive or chronic liars are not necessarily attempting to gain anything with their lying behaviors and will lie regardless of the position they are in and for no real reason. For a person with an issue of compulsive lying, their need to manipulate the truth becomes comforting to them. Being honest can feel strenuous and troublesome leading them to feel more at ease telling a lie.
Can lying be a sign of another issue?
Lying can be a sign of underlying issues, such as a lack of self-confidence, fear of not being accepted, or a need to be perfect. It can also be a sign of mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety. That said, lying is a common behavior, and it’s important to remember that not all lies are indicative of a bigger problem.
Working with a Therapist on Lying
People who lie tend to have other identifiable mental health issues; such as social anxiety, low self-esteem, and sometimes personality disorders. With this being said, it may be beneficial to speak to a therapist. A therapist can help you to identify the root cause of your lying and provide you with strategies to manage it. They can also help you to develop better coping mechanisms, improving your self-esteem, and can help to address any underlying mental health issues that may be contributing to your behavior.
Evaluating the Risk of Lying
Until you are able to schedule with a therapist, you can start changing your behavior by being honest with yourself and tolerating the distress of being honest with others. It will feel difficult to tell the truth after lying for so long; be kind to yourself, be patient, and understand that you are working to change your habits.
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Dr. Debra Kissen, PhD, MHSA
Dr. Debra Kissen is CEO of Light On Anxiety CBT Treatment Center. Dr. Kissen specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety and related disorders. Dr. Kissen is the Co-Author of Overcoming Parental Anxiety: Rewire Your Brain to Worry Less and Enjoy Parenting More the Panic Workbook for Teens, Rewire Your Anxious Brains for Teens: Using CBT, Neuroscience, and Mindfulness to Help You End Anxiety, Panic, and Worry (The Instant Help Solutions Series) and Break Free from Intrusive Thoughts: An Evidence-Based Guide for Managing Fear and Finding Peace. Dr. Kissen also has a special interest in the principles of mindfulness and their application for anxiety disorders. Dr. Kissen has presented her research on CBT and mindfulness-based treatments for anxiety and related disorders at regional and national conferences. Dr. Kissen is the Co-Chair of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America Public Education Committee. Dr. Kissen was the recipient of the 2020 Gratitude for Giving Spirit Award and the 2018 Anxiety Depression Association of America Member of Distinction Award.
Dr. Kissen often serves as a media psychologist and is available for press inquiries and strives to further the dissemination of empirically supported treatment (EST) information by offering user friendly quotes and simple to understand, practical tips and solutions to help mental health consumers move past stress and anxiety.
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